Hear No Evil, Ski No Evil.
February 5, 2024
Don Dolla de Montagne (Nonagenarian mountain owner) - Randy Brososky
Diamond de Montagne (His wife, ski ballerina, darling of the last Olympics) - Delia Barnett
Debra Bland (His daughter, ski mom and Chet’s coach) - Stephanie Wolfe
Dennis “Rocky” Bland - (Ski dad) - Peter Brown
Dennis “Chet” Bland Jr (Ski ballet prodigy that can’t actually ski) - Joel Taras
Bethany Bland (Star of the sitcom “All in the Household”) - Kirsten Throndson
Angel Delorean (Family lawyer) - Tom Edwards
Bronc Convoy (Don’s nephew, Assistant deputy, assistant ski patrol) - Cody Porter
Dr Misty La’Croix (Entertainer in the Slalom Lounge and volunteer medic) -Lindsey Walker
Sam Ollier (Maitre’d and concierge) - Jason Hardwick
Fletch Avalanche (Actor researching ski cop for an action movie) - Vince Forcier
Nonya Byness (Foreign diplomat) - Nikki Hulowski
Poppy Johnson (Small town sweepstakes winner) - Rebecca Bissonnette
Kiehls Aveeno (Irish groomer… RUN groomer and Heli-tour operator) -Jesse Gervais
Gillian Axel (Unemployed gondola operator with a past) - Kristi Hansen
Director - Jake Tkaczyk
Original Music - Paul Morgan Donald
Technical Magic - Nichole Man
Synopsis -the one and only Jim Cej
Producer - Nicole Thibault
Photos - Janna Hove
Act I
Dr Misty La’Croix and Sam Ollier talk about their relationship and Bronc at the Olive Garden. Sam is the real deal to her. Bronc was a blip, a nothing from her past. Their relationship is like a chair lift. It goes up… and it goes down. They’re TERRIFYING. They are only going to look up and forward and get off at the top, not go around again. Misty says that they should make it official, and tell everyone to buy us gifts and we’ll go to the top of the mountain. Metaphorically right? She forgot about his incident. Maybe they can try exposure therapy. He’ll expose anything with her.
Angel and Chet talk about their potential business venture in the Slalom Lounge. “Is your dad still in the way? I don’t see him around….” He’ll get Don Dolla to the top of the Black Diamond run. It’s been like 300 years since he did the moguls. We can convince him how much skiing is in his blood. And now much blood comes from skiing.
Don Dolla watches Kiehls groom the run. Kiehls says that Don Dolla is a mogul, a mountain of a man. “Flattery will get you everything.” Kiehls is a simple man running away from his past, but he’ll talk about it. Don Dolla says that not everyone loves moguls. He needs someone that he can trust. Kiehls can use his “special skills”. Don Dolla likes that he’s not afraid to clean up a mess. As he leaves, Debra skis down the mountain to her father. “Where were you? We looked everywhere for you!” He was getting his hips done. She tells him that she got a postcard from Glodyne. She wants to come back and get her father’s forgiveness. She knew that Debra was kind and compassionate, things that she could never be. You deserve to know about her sister. It’s a long story about a hospital, considerable medication, and a switch. Kiehls returns to hear him say that they need to go to the past to go to the future. Don Dolla gets him to leave with a raise.
Gillian is alone in the lobby, but she can hear Bronc and Nonya “yodelling”. He tells her how he is enjoying their time together when they see Gillian. She’s looking for the head guy about getting a job because her brother works at Diamond’s Nest. Bronc decides to interview her. Gillian and Nonya decide to fight, and Gilliam quickly overpowers her. Bronc says that she can’t go around assaulting guests, but Nonya thinks that Gillian would be a great addition to Security. Nonya can give her a makeover. “Who do you want to look like?” “Barbra Streisand.”
Debra asks Chet about his day. He’s moved from pizza to french fries!
“We come from a skiing family, but I’ve never seen Grandpa ski.”
“Well, he’s like 100 years old. When you were born and I put you in your Grandpa’s arms. He cried a single tear and sang a little song about how beautiful you were.”
“He loved me so much, and now he’s so rich and so old. I think you underestimate his desire to ski, Mom.”
“We should work together and get him to the top of the hill.”
Debra thinks it’s sweet how she wants to spend more time with him. She calls the front desk to connect to Don Dolla. Tell him that they’ll meet him at the top of the hill. Why don’t I just transfer the call? Technology is wonderful! Don Dolla is confused with all the people on the line.
Angel Delorean has something to talk to Sam and Misty about in the Slalom Lounge. Sam mixes them a Minnesota Mule. Angel wants to talk to them about Don Dolla’s health. As his lawyer, he’s concerned that he’s not getting enough exercise. He seems to be getting a little depressed, that he’s not as happy as he used to be. Dr Misty can write him a prescription for some outdoor time. He’ll need to breathe in and out a lot. She has to tell them that her Ph.d is in music, so this is just a suggestion. Sam tells Angel that he wants to get a prenup. Bronc, Nonya and Gillian join them in the bar. When he sees Gillian, Sam asks where they found her. He told her not to find him. Gillian says that she did it again. Sam yells for everyone too get out. How many people? 30. You killed 30 people and you decided to find me and fuck up my life? He’ll keep her safe and find her a job. Sam comforts his sister.
Act II
It’s 3:00am, and Kiehls is out grooming the slopes. Instead of running into Don Dolla, he runs into Debra. She has new skis and they need some waxing. She’s not sure about her son’s plan to get his Grandpa on the slopes. Debra tells Kiehls that what he does is amazing! He makes the mountain perfect for everyone. He gives her back her waxed skis. Be careful, they’ll be the fastest thing on the slopes! Kiehls introduces himself to her and gets her to put on the skis.
“They won’t come off if you fall. It’s a triple diamond slope. Have you ever been down the Devil’s Arse before?”
They push off.
Sam and Nonya sit by the fire. She asks if he is cold because he was outside or that he is full of secrets. He tells her that he’s with Misty now, so no one can know about their past. Nonya still wears the engagement ring that he gave her.
Angel, Chet, and Don Dolla talk about the plan to hit the slopes. Don’s so excited! Angel has a prescription for him. Chet asks if it is for extra strong painkillers? No it’s to get outside. Don Dolla used to be one of there best skiers around. He discovered the Devil’s Anus. It’s right by the Devil’s Arse. He’s the only person to go down the backside of the mountain. They’ll all go down it together today.
Gillian and Bronc stand awkwardly outside. He never thought that he’s see her again. He’s been steering people astray that are looking for her. Gillian broke his heart, and ate that one, right in front of me. She wants him to know that she appreciates him and what he’s been doing. They are joined by Misty and Nonya, and he tells Gillian that her secret is safe with him. Nonya says that they are all in a love square. Misty thinks that they should talk it out. Misty listened to my Bronc’s head. You know that I don’t like talking. Misty’s heart will always love him, but sometimes you have to draw a line in the snow and turn around. You can watch my caboose walk away. She loves Sam. Watch me walk away, Bronc.
Kiehls and Debra arrive at the Devil’s Taint, having finished the Devil’s Arse. Don Dolla and Chet are pumped for their upcoming run. Don Dolla feels 38 years younger! Debra wants him to start with an easier run, like the Angel’s Thigh or the Angel’s Cleavage. Debra remembers him skiing the Devil’s Taint with her on his back and says that she’ll go with them. She reminds him that there’s that turn just before the cliff. You have to turn at just the right time, or you’ll hit that rock. Debra gives her father his own family jacket. Don Dolla, Debra, and Chet ride up on the ski lift.
Gillian, Angel, Bronc, Nonya, and Kiehls watch them from the lodge. Nonya is jealous of Bronc and Gillian, but Gillian tells Nonya that she and Bronc are over, it’s all in the past.
Debra, Chet, and Don Dolla are getting ready for their run. Don tells his daughter that he’s been unkind to her and been unfair. She just did what was best for her family. Don Dolla didn’t want her to end up like her mother on this same slope. They tell each other how much they love each other. They’re ready to go, push off, and are all caught in an avalanche. Don Dolla and Dennis make it to there bottom of the hill, but the only thing left of Debra is her jacket, just like her mother. He didn’t mean for this to happen again. Chet cried out why couldn’t it have been Don Dolla. He realizes that this was all Chet’s idea. You’re the one to blame. Don Dolla’s story is going to end soon enough.
“And so will yours, Chet!”
