Won’t You Be My Neighbour?

Episode 3 - April 22, 2024

Donna Edwards - the best wife, the best mother - Stephanie Wolfe
Lindsay Edwards - her executive husband - Peter Brown
Debbie Edwards - their misunderstood daughter - Ellie Heath
Peter Edwards - Bowling alley owner - Tom Edwards
Thomas Edwards - ice cream shop owner - Lindsey Walker
Perry Scissorins III - neighbourhood pharmacist -Randy Brososky
Edwarda Scissorins - his wife, local hairdresser - Caley Suliak
Rusty Scissorins - Perry’s evil twin brother - Randy Brososky
Fritz Überalles - German immigrant - Cody Porter
Hildegard Überalles - his wife-  Jason Hardwick
Mark Carleton - Donna’s brother, the milkman - Joel Taras
Chet Whetpous - the pool boy - Breck Wiltshire

Director: Jake Tkaczyk
Music: Paul Morgan Donald
Technical Magic: Olivia Bogaard
Synopsis: Jim Cej
Producer: Nicole Thibault

Act I

Debbie needs some advice from her Uncle Thomas about her first period. Thomas is uncomfortable, but Debbie thinks that he always has the most helpful advice. Debbie has been all over the place, emotionally. She was moved by the sight off a flower. He asks if she has been having craving. Have you been smoking cannabis? She asks if Thomas has ever had a period. He remembers from his health class that she is having her monthly demon. Thomas tells Debbie that she can scream at him anytime that she wants. She wonders if she should put a cork in it like her mom does with her wine bottle. Maybe Debbie should talk to Perry Scissorins.

Perry visits Hildegard in her kitchen. He tells her about his twin brother Rusty and how he died in an accident that he caused. Hildegard says that it doesn’t mean anything if his wife called him by another name. It’s called role playing. Hildegard invites Perry to join in with her and Fritz. Perry suspects that Rusty is back. Hildegard points out that he didn’t see his brother die. Maybe he IS alive, and you wife is sleeping with twins! She will talk to Edwarda for him to find out what’s going on. Perry wants to know if Edwarda still loves him. Please be discreet. Edwarda won’t even know that she’s asking her a question. The phone rings. Mrs Montgomery has a piece of information for Hildegard. There’s a new man in town that looks mighty, mighty, mighty like the pharmacist.

Sitting outside, Fritz tells Edwarda all about Germany. She wonders why he asked her to come out to talk to him. I’m sure it’s not about beer and mugs. He tells her that he has seen her around the neighbourhood. He would like a haircut from her, but she gets the wrong impression when he asks for a trim. He’s really there to give her some advice. He’s juggled a lot of flesh in his day. She should be careful about her sneaking around. Hildegard listens in. Edwarda says that if he is there for a proposal, she doesn’t have a lot of time in her schedule, but she’ll make an exception for him and Hildegard. His wife just wants a change, like back at home. Edwarda bursts into tears. She just wants a change, not to schtup Fritz and his wife. Fritz thinks that they’ve crossed some wires.Debbie rolls Thomas into the pharmacy in his wheelchair. His niece is suffering through something terrible that will haunt her the rest of her days. Debbie points out to Perry where she is bleeding. Thomas pulls Perry asides. He has a few questions about drugs. Can you prescribe something to stop her from talking in such a graphic nature about her body? Perry gives Thomas some samples. Perry tells Debbie about what women do. It won’t be long until you’re hurting men, so this is just a bit of premature punishment. You’re probably going to find someone to love and he’ll go away and you’ll be left with someone to take care of you that will do anything for you. Debbie bursts into tears. She is going to have a terrible cursed life. The phone rings and Thomas answers it. They ask to speak to Edwarda. The voice says that she knows everything that Edwarda has done. Is this that creepy woman from across the street?  If she doesn’t tell Perry what’s going on, she will.

Fritz returns home. After hearing what he told Edwarda - Hildegard is smitten with her husband, Fritz is very confused about Americans. He was talking to Edwarda about giving Hildegard a makeover, but she misunderstood everything. Hildegard confesses that she overheard everything. She wanted to speak with her herself, and she was so touched by what he said. He tells his wife that she is his everything. Every time he gets the chance, he celebrates her. American is so confusing. They want so much from us, but maybe we can teach them how to live a better way. Hildegard is about to be brilliant. They can have a party and show them how to swing. One of our Tickle and Scream parties, just like we used to have in Berlin.

Back in the pharmacy, Perry asks about the phone call, but Edwarda says that they should look after Debbie. Fritz and Hildegard come into the pharmacy and the grown ups all pretend that everything is fine. They invite everyone to take part in a tradition that they celebrate back in Germany where they invite friends over to enjoy each other’s company. Debbie can’t go, it’s an adult party. Edwarda says that Debbie is a woman now, and Edwarda can teach her. When Thomas goes to put on some music, Debbie asks for her to put on some rock and roll. Everyone but the Überalles are scandalised. They put on the radio instead, and they can hear Donna and Lindsay broadcasting, saying that they are locked in their bomb shelter. Perry knows that there is a time lock that won’t open for another week and a half. Edwarda says that’s just enough time to have a swinger’s party. There is an awkward pause, and everyone leaves the Scissorins alone. Why did you call me Rusty? He looks just like you. But why now, after 20 years? She is fed up with her husband. What does Perry do every day? He tries to make a life for them in their neighbourhood.

Act II

Everyone else is outside of the pharmacy trying to figure out what just happened. Fritz said there was so much tension in the room. Fritz adds that he doesn’t think that Debbie should not go to a party at her principal’s house. She needs to be going out and making friends. A little birdie told Hildegard that Debbie and Chet want to form a rock band. Thomas has some questions about the bowl of keys that they will have at the Überalles’s party. They hope that Thomas’s hip will be better in time for the party. It sounds just like what the doctor’s orders. Grease him up!

Edwarda asks if Perry wants her wedding ring back. He hates everything about the drug store, but he work there so that she can start her hair cutting business. Edwarda appreciates everything that he has done for her. Maybe they can have a little moment. They dance. Rusty reveals that he is who she has been talking to, not Perry. So, are you ready to give everything up at Magnolia Crescent? She has kept her rusty scissors next to her heart. She deserted Rusty 20 years ago. Her feelings for him haven’t changed. Prove it. End things with Perry solidly, in front of witnesses. The phone rings. The voice on the phone knows that it’s Rusty on the phone. He’s been hanging around the neighbourhood too long. She knows his secrets and can ruin his life. She knows what happened in that accident 20 years ago and that there is more to him than meets the eye. Mrs Montgomery is going to blow this all up. She hangs up. This is going to put a crimp in all of their plans. If Edwarda takes care of Perry, he will take care of Mrs Montgomery.

Thomas and Debbie walk home from the Überalles’s. Debbie has some questions. Why are things going to get greasy? When 2 people love each other very much, sometimes they want to love other people very much. Where does the lard and bowl of keys come in. Maybe she’s focusing on the wrong things. Debbie protests that she has put keys in locks. She has gotten greasy. Thomas tells her the truth, that they all get together and do their taxes. Debbie asks if when they heard her mom and dad in the bomb shelter, did it sound like they missed her? Because she missed them. Debbie thinks that if she finds the right key at the party, maybe it could unlock the bomb shelter. Thomas says that he is sure that they love her and he would like nothing more than to have her locked down there with them.

From their patio, Fritz and Hildegard see Rusty walking down the street. They think it is Perry and they call him over. Fritz would like to make another bowling date him since he didn’t come last time. Hildegard says that she has’t had a chance to talk to Edwarda for him and finds away way to sneak out of the house. Fritz asks if he can help him order some industrial sized rubber sheeting. He is surprised that Fritz has invited him to his party since he is so uptight. That’s exactly like what why he should go. He should probably wear something easy to take off. And maybe some costumes.

Hildegard runs around the neighbourhood, calling for Edwarda. She tells her that she saw Perry without his glasses, and that he could see that it was them very well from far away. That’s when she knew that it was Rusty. Perry enters behind his wife, bur she doesn’t see him. She tells Hildegard that she cannot tell anyone for the safety of everyone. Edwarda confesses that she has never loved Perry. Hildegard feels that she should let Perry go. Who would Perry find instead? You? Perry has sides about him that people don’t know. He sells drugs. Edwarda asks if she will let her come to the party. Yes, and bring whoever you want. Hildegard isn’t going to tell her how to live her life, because she’s a little afraid of her. They can never talk about Rusty and Perry again. Hildegard will do whatever she wants to make Edwarda happy. Anything? Edwarda puts her arms around Hildegard’s neck and moves in for a kiss.

Thomas is at home alone when rock and roll music comes on the radio. He is drawn out of the wheelchair and dances. He pulls out a joint, but there is a knock on the door. Perry comes in and is surprised to see Thomas out of his chair. He could hear some music playing. Thomas says that it must have come from Mrs Montgomery’s house. Perry has a proposal for him. How would Thomas like a turnkey operation that he could walk in and start running a business? What kind of business? A pharmacy. My pharmacy. This is shocking news! Why do you want to give up your life’s dream? Sometimes you need to go away and put your life in order. He has been at a loss since Rusty died, but Mr Montgomery took him under his wing and taught him how to run a drug store. It’s time to find out what I want to do and mourn for my brother. Thomas will do that if Perry will do something for him. There’s this party he’s been invited to. Come to this party as my guest. Well, not my guest so much as someone who walks in to the party the same time as me. He won’t go if Edwarda is there.

A crying Debbie visits Fritz and Hildegard. They are going to start their party soon. What’s wrong? She tells them how the last time she saw her parents she told them that she wants to start a rock and roll band. The Überalleses are very supportive. Thomas knocks and arrives with his keys. Debbie awkwardly comes up with an excuse for her being there.

Edwarda waits for Perry at home. She calls Debbie and tells her that she needs the bucket of blood that she has been carrying around. Can you bring it over? She comes by right away, and Edwarda pours the contents into a bowl. Don’t tell anyone that you brought this over. She pops some into Perry’s pipe. Debbie leaves, and Perry arrives. He has his keys ready for the party. If he is going, then she’ll stay home. She offers to light his pipe for him, but she can’t do it. He tells her that he’s packing up. She says that Rusty can’t leave her here. He’s back, isn’t he? Keep that flame for him. You have for all these years. The lights the pipe and it starts acting strangely.

All Photos by: Janna Hove